"Will I ever be normal? my doctor's reply was "It depends on what you call normal." I said pointing down to the crowd of people going about their business, "Like them." She replied "No, you will, no doubt hopefully with treatment and medication get better, but it will never leave you completely. You will not be like them."

Friday, December 7, 2012


So as I stated earlier, I am in the process of trying to get off some of my meds.  I have officially stopped taking the Zoloft and am now in the wonderful world of withdrawal.  Now I have been off and on many, many medications and I have never really experienced any withdrawal symptoms.  Looking back now I see maybe it's because while I was getting of a medication I was also getting onto something else.  This time my doctor didn't increase  and dosage of my current meds or add a new one.  Well I have stopped taking the pills and didn't bother reading the withdrawal symptoms, thinking that I just wouldn't have any.  BOY WAS I WRONG!!!  I found out it would take about 2 weeks for it to leave my system.  I was expecting a little discomfort but was not prepared for what I was about to experience.  Week one was insomnia.  That was awful!!  The anxiety every night about when or whether or not I would sleep and how much I would get was terrifying.  So let's play this out- I'm not sleeping which can cause me to go manic, I have anxiety every night that fuels the insomnia which fuels the mania.  Then I am hit with week two and crippling depression.  See I have lost one of my antidepressants and my doctor wanted to make sure it was gone before upping my other one.  He was afraid it would cause me to go into a manic phase.  Guess he didn't have to worry about that, the insomnia did that for me.  My week two depression also corresponded with the week my husband was out of town so I am dealing with depression alone and trying to take care of my three kids.  This has been one of the hardest weeks but I survived.  You do what  you have to for your kids.  I won't lie, there were a few suicidal moments but I hung on.  The moral of all this is to just hold on.  When things look like you just can't deal, just hold on.  There could be hope around the corner.  I see my psychiatrist this week so hopefully he will tinker with my meds to give me hope for a change.  Everyone just hang in there.

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